Spiritual Beginnings

When I was 5 years old I was swimming at my aunt’s pool in San Diego, CA. It was a quiet Summer day, lazy & warm so it was just my older sister, my aunt & I at the pool. The pool had the typical shallow wading end, and the deeper diving end and a nice length of moderate depth.

I didn’t know how to swim at the time, my sister did and boy did she tease and taunt me about it. Still in the pool after both of them had exited to sunbathe, I felt courageous. I decided to go to the deep end and figured if I didn’t go through with it, they wouldn’t be the wiser to my plan. This could be my silent achievement!

So I grasped the lip of the pool at the shallow end, a little tighter as I soon could no longer feel the bottom of the pool beneath my toes. I was soon crossing the middle section and I could see the depth signs go up – 5ft, 6ft, 7ft, then 8ft. At this point I was quickly approaching the exit ladder at the deepest end. I could see it & figured I could just leave up it after experiencing the thrill of over 8ft. I was so excited, I could feel my heart race.

I came closer to it, ever closer and noticed that the pool’s lip was still wet from where my aunt had exited the pool. I grasped for the lip, it was wet and my hand slipped off, I tried to grab at it with my other hand but it slipped as well. I reached for a rung, but it slipped by my little fingers. Quickly I started to kick frantically and continued to sink downward. “Oh God,” I kept saying to myself in my mind as I began screaming under the water. I screamed and thrashed and at this point I was inhaling water and it burned. I remember it hurt so bad my eyes were crying.

I was still sinking and I could manage to look through the water and see my aunt & my sister laying out as I was silently, slowly drowning. Soon, after breathfulls of water I started noticing that my vision was fading to black and the feeling all over my body was becoming numb. I could feel myself still moving, kicking, grabbing and screaming but I began to feel no more pain. Soon it felt like I was no longer part of my body, I was far from it but oddly I could still feel it, far, far away.

Then in the darkness, I heard a loud roaring, like thousands of ocean waves crashing on some strange shore. It was so loud I tried to look around and as I looked around I began noticing images appearing around me, all around me, running around me like a movie surrounding me. Then I felt weird, I felt happy and sad, I felt alone yet safe, I felt excited but worried about my Mom, Dad & family. Then I noticed that there was a unique feeling that came with each new image. Some feelings I still don’t have the words for. These images were my memories from as early as I can remember.

A lot of them were of memorable trips to Disneyland, trips we took every year and it was amazing, I was watching them and at the same time I was re-experiencing them again. Then they stopped as they came to the end, my present age and day before the pool. Oh yeah, the pool. I thought on it again as everything became brighter and I was moving now. I was going toward this bright, bright light and it felt so good. I felt like I was growing in all directions. Like I was spreading so far & wide.

The brightness grew, then it became harsh and hurt my eyes. Then I was surprised because I was convulsing or coughing. I was coughing, and then blinking as the water inside me was splashing in my eyes. I kept blinking and saw my sister’s face and my aunt’s face were directly above me with scared looks on them. They kept asking me something but I couldn’t hear yet, slowly my hearing came back.

Apparently I was gone almost 2 minutes even though for me it felt like I was somewhere else for almost a full day. This day, the experiences specifically are as clear to me as where I was earlier today and I am so thankful for it all.

I know its helped me know my spirit intimately, how it feels here in my body and how amazing it is while outside it. Its also taught me not to fear death, no matter which way I’m meant to go next. Its what I hope to share with others – this fearlessness about what happens next that encourages me to live fully and to only allow loving, growth moments with everyone I get to connect with here.