Understanding and Embracing Your Shadow!

I passed out a sheet of quotes that I’d like you each to take home with you and reflect on after my speech today. Before I begin, I’d like to specifically use one of these quotes to set the mood. It’s a quote by J.R.R. Tolkien. The quote is “You can only come to the morning through the shadows.”

Shadows are interesting things. In our physical world, a shadow is a dark bleak silhouette of our being, stretching out below us. And although a shadow may look similar in shape to the person from whom it is cast, it reveals no details about that person. You can’t tell how rich that person is, you can’t tell what color eyes they have. You can’t tell if the person is a saint or a thief. And, our physical shadows cease to exist as soon as the light that gives them shape is taken away. Our colloquial language is full of sayings regarding shadows. When one hears of someone “lurking in the shadows”, images of shady evil happenings flood to the mind. To hear that someone is “scared of their own shadow”, however, conveys a meek timid person who is foolish to fear something so harmless.

What if I were to tell you that you have a second shadow? A spiritual shadow—and unlike your physical shadow, simply turning the light off doesn’t make this shadow go away. In fact, it allows it to grow and become more and more powerful. Because this shadow isn’t a mere reflection of our physical being. This shadow is composed of all of our emotional baggage. All of that negative energetic ammunition that we’ve stored away, that we’ve hidden so no one will ever find us out. It is a belief that we have that we never share. We dare not speak it. These are shadow beliefs. A shadow belief is an unconscious belief we have about ourselves that directs our life choices and limits us in what we create in the world.

There is something wrong with me. I cannot trust anyone. I’m not lovable. I don’t deserve to have what I want. Love does not last. I am worthless. How many of us cringe when we hear these things spoken out loud? How many of us hear these very words, or some variation, in our heads day in and day out? And how are we programmed to deal with these thoughts? We’re taught to suppress them, to deny them. We dare not dwell on them for fear of giving them even more power. We put on our happy face and hope and pray with all our might that no one will ever find out how we really feel.

Unfortunately, this is one of the biggest mistakes we can make. Because simply ignoring these thoughts as best we can doesn’t do a single thing to weaken them. In fact, the less we focus on them, the less we let them cross into our conscious mind, the more they are there, vibrating with absolutely no restriction, turning our darkest beliefs about ourselves into our reality.

We’re all familiar with the Law of Attraction, right? Like attracts like. Positive attracts positive, negative lures negative. We’ve all been taught that if we want something, a new car, a new love, a new job, we can bring it to us. We just need to believe in it. Imagine already having it— spend time each day meditating, chanting, running through our mantras and our affirmations and eventually, without fail, we’ll get what we’ve been envisioning. Well, the Law of Attraction works on the level of the shadow as well. But guess what? You don’t have to do any of that work. No, because the shadow operates at our subconscious level.

As a hypnotherapist, this is my domain– the subconscious mind. How many times during this speech have you told yourself to breathe? Have you been remembering to tell your heart to beat? No? Hmmm, well who has been controlling your body if not you? It’s that somewhat dormant, hidden aspect of you that is truly in the driver’s seat. Your subconscious mind does the driving and your conscious mind picks up the pieces & deals with the consequences of its cautious or, perhaps, reckless driving.

And much like you don’t have to sit around chanting “inhale… exhale…” in order to survive, you don’t have to spend a lot of time thinking “I don’t deserve companionship” in order to vibrate that energy into a reality of isolation and loneliness. In fact, you don’t have to spend a single second on it. Left alone, this shadow belief will continue to vibrate within our being, pulling to us things that match up to that belief.

I see some of you squirming in your seats already. Maybe this is hitting home. But maybe some of you aren’t totally convinced just yet. Maybe you don’t believe that you have any of these nasty little shadows.

Well, it’s simple enough to find out. All we have to do is look at how the world is treating us. Is your outer world loving? Are you being provided for financially and emotionally? Is your health good? Or perhaps your outer world seems critical or mean. Maybe you don’t feel appreciated. Maybe your outer world seems un-approving, unsupportive or draining.

I’ve found in my work as a hypnotherapist that it is very often the case that the very things we feel we are not getting from our world are the very same things that we aren’t giving to ourselves. Now think about that. Really take a moment and reflect on that statement, for that is the magic of our Holographic Universe– as above so below, as in the outer, so in the inner.

There is a very well known phrase “KNOW THYSELF”. But what does this really mean? Know what you like, know what you don’t like? Know your place in the world? Know when you need to bite your tongue so you don’t bite the head off your significant other? Sure, all of those things. But I also think it means so much more. I think it means really turning inward and embracing your own shadow.

So are we born with these shadows? Not really. We’re born with the capacity to store these shadow beliefs, but they are not a part of our instinctual makeup. They usually do come about early on in our lives, however– sometimes self-imposed, but usually triggered by someone we see as an authority figure. And very often, this aspect of our beliefs is constantly screaming out “Face me! Face me!” but we dare not face it. Instead, we try to ignore it and hope that it will go away, but it does not. Instead it exerts even more power and control over our life. – What we resist, persists.– As Debbie Ford puts it, “Why do good people do bad things? The overweight woman, perpetually on a diet, who eats sensibly at mealtimes only to binge uncontrollably in private, the wealthy actress who can afford anything she wants, yet gets busted for shoplifting– what is the hidden mechanism that drives us to sabotage the relationships and dreams that we hold most dear?”

Why do the things we promised ourselves we would never do again seem to be stuck on a constant repeat cycle? Why does it constantly seem that we are being directed in the opposite direction than where we truly want to go? It’s all due to your shadow. That part of you that seems unlovable, untouchable, and embarrassing. That part of you that you, at some point, decided was unacceptable and should be hidden away.

But what if I were to tell you that this very same aspect that is currently exerting such negative power in your life is also perhaps the greatest teacher, guide and wise friend you could ever have asked for? This companion has been with you through all your years and always been present with one and only one purpose– to challenge you and awaken you to your magnificence and beauty.

The best way to illustrate this is to share my own personal love affair with my shadow. When I was very young, probably around 4 years old, I was playing in the yard with a neighborhood friend, who was probably twice my age. Although not a parent, he was definitely, in his own right an authority to whom I listened and believed unfailingly. So, as we played, I saw, for the very first time, men in a truck driving along our street, tossing black bags into the back of their truck. I stood, watching these men in action, wondering what they were doing. So I asked my friend. “Well,” he began, as he put his hand on my shoulder, “when little kids like you are bad, their parents put them in those black bags and those men come along and take you away.”

Suddenly, I didn’t feel like playing anymore. I was devastated. I sat in my room that day, in stunned disbelief that my parents could very well one day put me out on the street to be hauled away by total strangers. Soon, that disbelief turned into certainty. And that certainty soon grew into fear. I knew, without a doubt that one day, my parents would get so mad at me that they would quite literally throw me away. So, I resolved then and there to be prepared for it. I told myself that my parents didn’t really love me. I figured that the more I could convince myself of this, I’d be less scared when I was stuffed into that bag, waiting to be tossed into the truck with the other bad children.

And this childhood belief soon grew up to be my own adult shadow belief. Mine was “I am unlovable.” And it wasn’t until I met someone who refused to be pushed away that I had to finally turn inside and face that statement. And that is something on which I am still working, investigating, and embracing. But the more work I do, the more I realize that once you fully embrace your shadow, you realize that it has been desperately trying to assist you all along. All it has ever wanted was to be heard, to be acknowledged. Once you stop pushing it aside, ignoring it and denying its existence, you see that it’s actually a beneficial aspect of our lives.

Think if you will, of being in a pool. You have a beach ball– all inflated and bouncy. And you take this beach ball and push it under water. What happens? It flies to the surface. And no matter how deep you push it, no matter how hard you hold it under—nothing will keep this beach ball from serving its purpose. It was designed to float. That beach ball is your shadow. The more you try to fight it, the more it is going to fight back. And, in fact, by fighting against it, you are actually altering its purpose—and therefore, instead of reaping its many blessings, you are actually only manifesting more experiences that further reinforce what the shadow is. Ultimately, it isn’t trying to do you harm, it’s merely trying to get your attention.

For me, I know that my shadow belief of being unlovable has given me numerous blessings. On its simplest level, my shadow taught me how to build emotional walls, but once embraced; I realized that the real skill it had given me was the ability to set clear boundaries. And this skill is vital for the work I do as both a therapist and a psychic. I met someone whose shadow belief led to an amazingly astute ability to maneuver past people’s walls and develop strong interpersonal relationships– and that ability is what allowed me to finally believe that I could be loved. Our shadows were ideal complements of each other. Being able to set boundaries has helped me stay devoted to my education; stays focused on building my practice, & develop friendships that are virtually immune from petty arguments.

To tie this all up, I have to tell you that no two people’s experience in embracing their shadow is ever the same. It’s a process. For some, it’s almost second nature to embrace them and grow—others spend almost their entire life raging against it. Some people may have a few shadow beliefs, while others are a virtual plethora of these unconscious thoughts. Once you embrace your shadow belief, it never truly goes away; instead, it begins to work properly for you. After all, it is your refusal to embrace it that leads to those negative consequences. And we are never immune from these shadow beliefs. Even in our adulthood we can form new ones or perhaps even become plagued by an old one that we’ve yet again tucked away and tried to deny.

I encourage you to go home tonight and spend some time investigating your own shadow. Use the quotes I’ve provided for you as inspiration. Really allow yourself to turn inward and just like that beach ball, as soon as you let go, your shadow belief will come to the surface. Just remember that it is not something to fear. It’s not something to hide or something of which to be ashamed or embarrassed. It is merely a part of you through which you can become complete and whole—the very best you that you can be.

From a speech given on January 14, 2007 at Tower Memorial Church in Magnolia, WA (Directed Focus – David Zarza) adapted and inspired by Debbie Ford, Carl Jung, Neale Donald Walsh, Wayne Dyer and many others.

Good day, here are some messages that must be delivered and I hope you can help me:

David, not for me this is for another David out there.  Roger says you’re his “mate” (I think he’s British or Australian and wants you to have a beer for him this December for your birthday.  Wishes he was still here for you and sort of is.  Says you may not believe this message is for you so he holds up what looks like a polo shirt, maybe a rugby shirt with the colors green and purple and yellow, I think that’s what they are.  And then he grunts.  This guy makes me laugh!  Blessings

—————

Ellen or Eleanor, your husband sends you strong hugs and kisses all over!  He says he did not miss your anniversary three months ago(?) he said he tried to make sure you knew it was him – jumping on the bed.  No, it was not the dog!  He also says he drives with you every morning as you go to work.  He prefers music, not conservative talk radio, so change it up sometimes, ok.  Blessings.

—————

Laura P., grandma says you must get your teeth checked!  She says you’ve chewed on the other side for long enough, its just a cavity, take care of it.  Wow, she’s a powerful woman!  She says you were always her little girl and misses the summers with you.  Lots of love from her, she says, “I know you’re smiling while reading this.”  Blessings.

—————

Marshall, your father wants you to know that you do look like him and he laughs about it.  You turned into him, almost.  He says you’re a much more fair man, he would always jump to his conclusions no matter what anyone said.  He wants you to know that the white doggie you had as a child is with him now.  Blessings.

—————

Susanne or Suzanne, your best friend who passed away from liver failure wants you to know that she did get all, ALL your prayers and knows how much you wanted to be there for her before she passed.  She did not know she was going to pass, so please don’t beat yourself up over it anymore.  She’s smiling like she always used to with her hand on her face.  She says her and her daughter appreciate you being there for her daughter.  “Can you feel the love,” she says you know what that refers to.  Blessings.

—————

To everyone out there, thank you for visiting and be on the lookout for more messages.  The spirits just keep visiting, talking and loving you!

What I’d like to cover today is how the Season of Winter actually reflects an aspect of our natural spiritual cycles. Before I begin, take a moment to read the following quotes and reflect upon them for a moment.

There is privacy about it which no other season gives you…. In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.  ~Ruth Stout

I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape – the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter.  Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.  ~Andrew Wyeth

When I was younger, I was somewhat fascinated with Greek mythology. These quotes reminded me of a story that I’d read before, but never fully understood until this year. A child of southern California, my winters were not very different from my summers. However, this year I found my own spiritual journey has lead me to the Pacific Northwest where I have found immense happiness– as well as my first true experience of living through a winter.

In Greek Mythology, there was a goddess named Persephone. She was a child of Zeus, the king of the Gods and Demeter, the goddess of Earth and nature. Persephone was wooed by many gods, but Demeter, ever the over protective mother rejected all their advances and eventually hid her daughter away. It was shortly after this that Hades, the god of the underworld abducted Persephone and whisked her away to his kingdom. As Demeter frantically searched for her beloved daughter, the world began to change. Life came to a standstill. The flowers wilted away and died. The grasses faded away. Trees bore no fruit and the temperature turned frigid. As Demeter’s sorrow grew, earth continued to die. Zeus intervened and demanded Hades return Persephone to her mother. Before he agreed, however, Hades tricked Persephone into eating four pomegranate seeds, which effectively forced her to spend one month each year in Hades for every seed she’d eaten. When Demeter and her daughter were together, the Earth flourished with vegetation and color, but for four months each year, when Persephone returned to the underworld, the earth once again became a barren realm of darkness. This is an origin story to explain winter.

There is something about this season that almost forces you to begin a process of turning inward, of reflecting upon the events prior to this period of slowed activity. Surely during this time, Demeter would remember happier times with her daughter.

She would probably also reflect on those times before when her daughter was away. She would possibly even think forward with anticipation to the future when her daughter would return. Sound familiar? This is very common for most of us at this time of year. As we find ourselves no longer able to occupy our minds with outdoor activities we begin to turn inward to ourselves. It is almost as if Nature itself provides us with an instruction booklet of what we ourselves should undergo during the winter months. This is a time of year when the world, and our own spirit, is renewed once more. It is a time of endings and new beginnings that fills our hearts with peace, joy, love and laughter. We are almost forced by Nature to spend more time in close quarters with our friends and family, sharing our bounty with them.

I guess I should say, ideally this how it should be. After all, our traditions mandate it. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years are all celebrations of life and new beginnings. We surround ourselves with feast and family. We rejoice. We are merry. However, this is a very Norman Rockwell painting of modern winter. I’d like to paint a somewhat different picture for you, if I may. It’s actually a little image of the aforementioned Hades and his Underworld. Today’s modern interpretation of the Underworld is one of a Hell. We picture tormented souls, flames, and evil all around. This is not quite the same idea held by the Greeks. To them, the Underworld was, in fact, the Spiritual World. It was our connection to our spiritual side; the energetic, subtle reality that we normally don’t notice or perceive. It actually contained both of our modern views on Heaven and Hell, as well as a version of Purgatory. I’ll touch on this later.

And in this version of the Underworld, there were said to be five rivers. There was Acheron, the River of Sorrow; Cocytus, the River of Lamentation; Phlegethon, the River of Fire; Lethe, the River of Forgetfulness; and Styx, the River of Hate. Sorrow, Lamentation, Forgetfulness and Hate? Maybe this is that less idealistic Winter I’ve been hinting at! It is important here to draw a distinction between what is commonly known as Depression and another phenomenon known in the field of higher consciousness as the “Dark Night of the Soul”.

Whenever I see a new client with the symptoms of Depression, I make sure to ask the questions to really decide if they are in fact experiencing the biochemical condition of imbalanced hormones and misfiring synapses. Often, I find that they are actually experiencing a quite normal and necessary period of the “Dark Night of the Soul”. In the Dark Night, you feel profoundly alone. You experience loneliness, hopelessness, and darkness. But, much like Demeter, this temporary period of being alone will always be followed by a happy reunion and new memories and experiences. On a Spiritual Path, this Dark Night is vital to our well being. It is necessary as a sort of initiation on the road to Higher Consciousness.

Winter is the perfect time to go inward, appraise your life, and make those course corrections toward a wonderful, empowered and abundant life! In fact, one of the roles of Hades was to judge the souls of those who had departed the Earth. Three judges sat in the forecourt of Hades and Persephone. These judges, known for their integrity, justice and piety would reflect upon the souls and assign them a fate. There were three roads these souls could be send along. One group deemed to be neither virtuous nor evil were sent back to the Fields of Asphodel. Think of this as the concept of a Purgatory. Those souls that were deemed impious or evil were sent to Tartarus, or Hell. And those who were viewed as Heroic or Blessed were sent to Elysium, or Heaven.

These three different ultimate destinations, to me, simply reflect the different judgments we make of ourselves. How amazing that we, the evolved peoples of today, contemplate the same measures of our thoughts and actions as the Greeks did centuries ago! How interesting that the Greeks has their godly judges, which to me seem to mirror our current ideas of Inner Guides. Surely you can see how these concepts are so similar to the values we hold so dear to us today. The difference is that we today realize that it is actually our Intuition that guides us along our path.

We are able to connect to our Spiritual Laws and values, appraise our life and make those much needed course corrections toward a wonderful, empowered and abundant life. You may already do this naturally. You may even do it more than once a year because you’ve come to realize that the cycles of life and death constantly swirl around us in the various changes we encounter. But, if you have not learned yet to embrace this stripping away of the old life and eventual birth of the new, I invite you to embrace winter and the lessons it has to offer you.

Set aside a time when you will not be interrupted and go inward through whatever means you prefer. Quiet your mind and pose a series of questions to yourself and listen closely for the answers. Here are some starter questions for you, but remember, there is no limit to the exploration you can do within your own being.

1. What three things or people enriched my life the most this year?

2. Who or what drained more than added to my life?

3. What expectations do I have for myself? Are they realistic?

4. What expectations do I have for others in my life? Are they realistic?

5. How do I feel?

6. What do I need?

7. Do I need support?

Remember, connect to and listen to your emotions through your heart, not your mind. If you find yourself saying “I think I feel” or “I believe I need”, you should silence your mind and listen to that area that is deeper within you for answers. Allow those Inner Guides to allow you access to that encyclopedia of knowledge that exists within you called your Intuition. And if you find that you do need support, as for it. We are all here on this earth together, living our lives, mingling and sharing our experiences. Treasure that cohabitation. Seek support and guidance whenever you can. Offer it in return. Learn from others and share your own knowledge. Become on of the Hero souls of Hades, allowed access into Elysium.

From a speech given on December 10, 2006 at Tower Memorial Church in Magnolia, WA (Directed Focus – David Zarza)

When I was thinking about what I should talk about today I kept getting this simple image in my mind: I saw a clearing in a beautiful forest, and in the middle of this clearing was a circle of stones, in the center were smallish pieces of wood, or kindling. All set up as any campfire would, then as I sat with that image a little longer I saw a spark, or an ember of sorts just drift down out of nowhere and settling brightly on a piece of kindling. For a moment, it felt like watching a falling star just nestle itself in the trunk of a large tree, only this scene was much smaller; a microcosm. Then as usually happens with wood, that spark caused the wood to catch fire, and as the breeze within this forest picked up, this fire caught & began to burn brightly & very hot. Soon, it became a steady, comfortable campfire, warm, inviting and framed perfectly by the surrounding trees. Like hundreds of silent observers, watching as life goes on.

Often, as I meet more and more people through the work I do or through happenstance, I notice that there are a lot who are like the silent observers, the trees or kindling, quiet and on the outskirts looking and not really involved in the life that’s going on all around them. They seem to be looking for that spark, a hot ember to descend from where? From Heaven, from their work, from their romantic partner, from a self-help book at Border’s or even from a Psychic. Someone or something who they may look to in order to discover or to validate the Truth (with a capital T) that the answers are already inside. That all they need to do is ask & the spark, already within will light the way.

How do we fan and nurture that spark within? Through our Passions, and Love, Meditation and Fellowship with others who have the same goals, dreams and ideals. If you know when you’re happy, sad or in love, then you know how to nurture your Spark. For you have been equipped with all the wonderful tools you’ll ever need in this life, the simplest and most natural are your feelings. Through your feelings, you can guide yourself easily along the pathway of your life. Now in an oversimplified sense, if you enjoy, love and are energized by what you’re doing and who you’re with, keep at it. If you feel anger, frustration or if you’re being sapped by guilt, then listen, and change your course, what you’re doing & maybe even who you surround yourself by.

And what happens then, when you nurture your spark, familiarize yourself with your feelings and heed your inner guidance? Your spark lights so brightly that you then become the Fire. You become a healthier, happier human being and what larger a contribution could we possibly make than to be a completely healthy human being? The campfire couldn’t warm a group of people when it was just the spark, but once it became brighter & hotter, dozens are then welcome to be warmed & lit by it.

Its elemental for trees to burn, but people are often afraid to burn as brightly. In the literal sense and in the metaphorical. Now why is that? Past programming? Is it still a good excuse to use our family’s programming as an excuse? How about society’s? I don’t think so, we’re all being called to action, to rise up now and take on the responsibility of burning brightly, as a source of light for others. Those like us, and those not at all like us.

I am reminded of Marianne Williamson’s quote from her book A Return to Love (popularized by Nelson Mandela), “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Now ask yourselves, what holds me back? Whose voice is still inside here & keeps me small? Explore it, shine light in those little dark corners inside and give it no more room to hide.

So what will you choose? Do you choose to burn brightly like the Fire? Or do you choose to be like the Trees? Ultimately, the choice is yours…now go and love yourselves, for after all, you are all Divine Creations. Respect that!

Now if you still find that you are plagued or limited by fears, this may help…I get asked more & more about our guides & angels. A few months ago, I really did not believe we all had a spiritual team of protectors, inspirers, guardians and healers (in the sense that I didn’t know everyone had such a group, I knew I myself do but I wasn’t sure about everyone else), but only recently have I actually seen them, described them to their guidee and even dialogued with them. You have so much energetic/spiritual aid available to you at any time. Its amazing to actually see the following in practice, Wayne Dyer says, “If you knew who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible.” It really is the truth, again with the capital T.

Now go for it and live a life you LOVE!

From a speech given on November 12, 2006 at Tower Memorial Church in Magnolia, WA (Directed Focus – David Zarza)

Welcome to my 7th Sense Living website!

I am so excited to be launching this site as an additional resource for you to rely on in developing your 7th Sense gifts.

You can look forward to having articles, updates, event listings, a forum, product listings and all sorts of wonderful goodies rolling out in the next few months and going forward.  Join me and voice your ideas and wishes here in the Comments section or email me at david@7thsenseliving.com.

Be well and I look forward to see you here soon.  Blessings,

-David